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Sunday, April 23, 2017

How to handle being married to a control freak



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When it comes to relationship, everyone wants to be loved and appreciated. Even as smart and beautiful as you are as a person, there is always someone that will come into your life and tell you those sweet words of how intelligent and special you are. You like the attention and nice words and you are charmed and fall in love.

One issue about control freaks is that they can be charming and make you fall for them. They are the ones that will make you believe that you can count on them for anything because they will always be there for you. At the beginning of the relationship, blinded by the love and passion you have for this person, you might be blinded to their faults. But they on their part might have seen your weakness and vulnerabilities and this is how they take advantage of you.

Control freaks don’t just begin to control immediately you get married to them, it happens slowly. It is only a matter of years that you realize that you are beginning to do everything in your life according to their schedule. This is the time that you realize that you’ve married a control freak, a time when yourself helplessly dependent on them.

Time like this, women are most times confused and don’t know what to do. Getting out of this situation becomes a tough job.

Many women experiencing this situation are not aware how much changes they have done to their lives in other to live in accordance to the will of their controlling partner. Before time like this, friends and family member might have been unhappy and talked to them about how their husbands are treating them and they defend their partner, making up excuses for them. This can be to the fact that these women think that they can change their partner.

But when it comes to the issue of a controlling partner, they cannot be changed. The concept of changing someone is not something that is always effective and changing a control freak also falls into that criteria.

Let us now take a look at how you can stop a control freak from controlling you.

The first step in dealing with a control freak is seeking for advice from a counselor or a minister. With the help and advice from this minister, you can be able to validate your feeling and feel strong about yourself. They can help you with ideas you can use in making your relationship work. Though you controlling partner might not like this, but if they care about their family and relationship and seeing it is at risk, they are likely to change grudgingly.
The second idea is for you to confront your controller. At first, they might take you for a joker and give you acts that belittle you and think you as unserious. Things like the silent treatment, laughing you off or using hurtful words. It is also important that you tell someone of what you plan on doing so that you have a safety net. This is because control freaks don’t like being controlled and sometimes they tend to react violently.
One thing that control freaks are good at is making you feel like many of their mistakes is your fault. They make you have a low self-esteem. This is the area that you have to work on by doing all you can to build your self-esteem. You can do this by doing things you love and things that make you feel good about yourself. Control freaks rarely say they are sorry even when they are at fault. So you should also learn to be assertive rather than being used as a doormat.
In the quest of trying to rebuild your self-esteem, you should reach out to family and friends. These people will help remind you of how wonderful you are and you will feel supported.
Try to work out a plan to deal with the relationship and you plan to leave. But as you plan to work out your relationship to make it work, remember that trying to change your partner should be out of it because it is not always a working plan. The control freak is the only one that can control himself. For a control freak that refuse to change with time, their controlling act tends to get worse with time rather than becoming mellow.

For a relationship to work out, both parties will have to learn how to negotiate for what they want from their partner and they must learn to be flexible. These two traits are characters you don’t find in a control freak. Their inability to see what they are doing to their spouse makes it rather difficult for them to make changes to their lives.

Being controlled and told what to do is not a pill control freaks find easy to swallow. If you choose to remain in this type of relationship, then you are doing so at your own risks. It is okay to learn to work out your differences and live together as a couple, but a relationship where one party decides what goes on in the life of the other and the relationship is an unhealthy relationship.

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About Ejike John,

Ejike John is a student of human characters and behaviors, a blogger, programmer, web developer and a lover of music. All he wants to do is write and get his name out there.